so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
