I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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