I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
