Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
