i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The struggles of a small town man whore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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