So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
