i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
