life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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