Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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