Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
