you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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