It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
