How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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