i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
