the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
