Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
