so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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