Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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