I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
