an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
