Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
