He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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