You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
a search helicopter?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
