It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
