wanna go halves on a baby?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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