I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
