i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
