Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
