Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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