i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
