I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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