you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
