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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
