She is in my trunk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
