the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
