Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
