Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want nice things and good sex
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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