I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
