you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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