yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
