My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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