I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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