Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
