You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
