okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found puke in my bra..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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