I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
