He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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