I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
