he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
