he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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