i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
