you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We left an ass print on the piano.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
