Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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