"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
