if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
