so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
