so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
