Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
