Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
pray to the hookup gods
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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