My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
