please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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