I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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