Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
