She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
