im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
