My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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