he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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