Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
