i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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