Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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