You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
