She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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