So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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