I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
