look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
