we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No subtext here. People are naked.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
