all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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