I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
